If you’ve got a mom, then you’ve probably also gotten some wise advice from her along the way. And even if you did, she’s still got a few more (throwback to mom jokes anyone?). Which is why we put together this list of funny-inspired mom quotes and caption ideas for your Instagram!
Funny Mom Quotes and Captions for Instagram
• This mom life is one doozy of a long marathon, but here’s to running it together with thousands of other moms around the world!
• First, it was a baby, then it was a toddler and now it’s a full-on adolescent
• Like a fine wine, they say. Kids only get cuter with age
• From my neediness to your emotional absence, we’re a match made in self-help books.
• Why say it with flowers when you can say it with a gift card?
• Drunk at 8 am, don’t care. I’ve got my eye cream, holiday tunes, and a glass of wine.
• What? It’s been 3 whole hours with the baby and I’m still semi-coherent??
• Someone, please explain to my kids that if you put a hat on baby Jesus it’s a miracle not weird.
• It’s not hard to get a kid out of the bath, but it is hard to keep him out of it.
• Laundry day is the new ice cream day.
• I’m so out of touch I still think the Coldplay song is called Yellow.
• moms come in all shapes and sizes, but they are all equally awesome.
• Moms don’t need coffee, we just need sleep. And cake. And wine. And more sleep. Let’s get some rest today—tonight is taco night!
• Getting the giggles and the guffaws at the playground. Ready to play, mama?
• It’s a new season. A time to reflect. And, of course, it’s the perfect excuse to take tons of pictures of your kids in front of a bunch of leaves and pumpkins.
• If you love your mother, show it by cleaning your plate.
• Isn’t it funny how fall is just like that friend who you haven’t seen in a while but as soon as you’re back together again, it feels like no time has passed at all?
• Parenting. If a major had a college, it would be parenting.
• When you become a parent they throw away the instruction manuals.
• A mother’s arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them.
• You should never have to ask, “What’s for dinner?” when you have a cupboard full of groceries.
• I came, I saw, I did absolutely nothing today.
• There is no right or wrong answer, just do what feels right in your gut.
• Moms are just regular people with regular jobs, who happen to have a lot of extra stuff.
• Just had to do this when I saw this sign at my kids’ soccer game.
• If you’re an uber driver and a parent, then you know this feeling all too well.
• Life is short. But if you put a GoPro on your dog, it seems so much shorter.
• Don’t sweat over spilled milk, let’s just pour some more.
• What do you call a dog that doesn’t eat, sleep or play? A shepherd.
• Why do we lock our doors at night? Because it’s dark inside.
• If you’re gonna live in this world, you’ve gotta dance!
• They say a mom’s love is patient, kind, and protective. But all we really want to do is throw them on the ground and see if they still work after that.
• Parenting: 12 months of joy followed by 12 years of frustration
• Sometimes the answer is less about what you want and more about who you are.
• When you have a child and a dog, every morning is awesome.
• Being a mom is the best excuse to eat cookies for breakfast.
• I love you more than pumpkin spice lattes, but please stop trying to make your own whipped cream.
• I don’t always look at my phone, but when I do, it’s usually to check if my child has taken a step forward or backward.
• Because you never know how good a grocery store pizza is until you’ve tried two
• When people say “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone,” they mean your kids after they leave for college.
• Some days I feel like a kid playing dress-up. And other days I feel like an adult wearing pajamas.
• For those early mornings with someone who is still sleeping
• I’ll have a coffee, please. And I’m pretty sure I’ll need that decaf.
• Mom life is hard…like, really hard. You’re doing a great job.
• If your kid’s art looks like this, you shouldn’t feel bad. I’m a pediatrician. Yours is fine.
• Weird things about my kids: 2. My daughter’s feet smell like dill pickles and my son’s cough sounds like he’s been smoking since he was 12.
• It’s always a good day when you’re wearing something from our family-friendly #MabelMabel collection
• I’m pretty sure this was the plan when I was pregnant and couldn’t wait to hold him in my arms… but 21-years later, it’s just *me* stuck here.
• Not sure if it’s wine o’clock, but I’m pretty sure it’s time for an ombre.
• I feel like every day I’m just making it up as I go along.
• Not sure where I’m going with this but here’s another quote by Schopenhauer: Just as a dog returns to his vomit, so too will a fool repeat his folly.
• It’s the most wonderful time of year for mom—spring cleaning!!
• Taking selfies with your husband, you really got to hand it to him.
• We love the smell of playdates in the morning.
• I would love to be a mom, but…I don’t want to gain weight.
• I just want to be alone in my home. This is why I love being a woman.
• There are two things that money can’t buy: grandparents and wisdom.
• There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.
• I’m sorry I couldn’t do a cartwheel when they announced your birth. But I’ve been practicing all these years, so watch out now!
• Don’t stress if you don’t get a holiday card out on time. The elves can handle it.
• Why are there so many songs about rainbows? And why are there so few songs about rain?
• Kids: bring them upright and don’t forget to feed them #hilariousquotes
• You might be the mom, but I’m the one who knows how to work this stroller.
• When it comes to parenting, my husband and I are like the Olsen twins – we’re basically inseparable
• I’m so good at multitasking dinner and a show that I can feed your uncle, hug your aunt and kiss your grandma without taking my eyes off the TV.
• When you have too much “fun” on social media, it’s time to make some real memories with the fam
• Parenting: All fun and games until someone start crying.
• Views from the top ten list of reasons why my kids will thank me when they’re older.
• Before kids, we had a washer and dryer. Now we have kids, so we have laundry.
• I don’t need an alarm clock, I wake up every morning to my kids asking me if I’m going back to sleep.
• Before you know it they’ll be pulling away from you in their cars. So try and hold onto them as long as you can.
• First, you have to get over the fact that NBA stands for No Babies Allowed.
• #tbt to when we were just a bunch of misfits trying to make it work.
• Today I am grateful that my kids didn’t inherit my better judgment.
• Thanks, internet, for all of your mom hacks. I’m so glad The Parent Trap exists.
• Happy birthday, mom! You’re definitely getting older, but you’re also definitely not OLD.
• The most precious moments are made when you stay in bed with your kids.
• My kids are 2 of the 3 things I can’t live without; Carpools and social media are the other 2.
• Getting kids to eat their veggies is a lot like training a cat—except you can’t use food as a reward.
• Pumpkin spice season is here and it’s the best. If you don’t like it, we can’t be friends.
• I think my favorite part of the holidays is wrapping presents… The presents I get to give, not the ones I have to wrap.
• In my house, we have no choice. We laugh or we cry.
• I’m pretty sure I could be the poster child for terrible, no good, very bad days.
• If there is no spoon, then maybe you need to stir things up a bit.
• For the moms who just can’t even.
• While I can’t do much to prepare my kids for the real world, I can at least teach them to use a knife. #momfail
• They say the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I’m hoping this works better because the last time I tried it he just told me to leave
• I can’t wait to drive my kids to school for the first time, but only so I can park by the curb and watch them walk in.
• Even if I’m on my deathbed and completely out of it, I’m going to regret not grabbing some free Halloween candy.
• Maybe she wasn’t a princess but I was her prince.
• I used to believe in it forever but forever changed.
• I told my doctor if he didn’t stop, I’d change doctors.
• Morning just called to say it still hates you.
• Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.
• The best things in life are free… like my daughter’s college fund.
• When the kids are asleep and it’s just me laughing at memes
• I was 9 months pregnant with twins, felt a kick, and thought it was the baby. Turns out I just ate a pop tart
• Moms don’t need a holiday to get flowers. They are always blooming in their own hearts.
• I’m getting my pumpkin on and you’re stuck with my kids.
• Tried getting my kids to take a fall picture, but they wouldn’t do the same pose.
• I have 2 kids under 4. I spend most of my time opening lemonade stands and banning nudity.
• Oopsie! I dropped my son on his head again. Kids, amirite?
• When you’re a parent, Halloween comes with a costume and a diploma—a Master of Parenting.
• Fall means long weekends, cozy sweaters, and getting the groceries you can carry in an oversized tote bag.
• Want to keep up with the kids? We don’t recommend this tactic.
• Warm and toasty, oh so cuddly, this baby’s ready for a snooze in Mama’s arms
• Dear babies. The summer is almost over and Christmas is coming. So please, stop crying and making messes. Thanks, Santa
• As you know, it is not a good idea to look a Gila monster in the mouth – unless you’re smiling. In that case, they don’t mind at all.
• Making strawberry jam from scratch is easy and allows you to can fruits when they are already in season!
• That awkward moment when you slip on the soap and fall down the stairs.
• Somebody get me a martini and a spoon, I’m having a James Bond moment.
• When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
• I’m not a #momtrepreneur. I just have a company, and I also happen to be a mom.
• Funny parenting is hard because you’re not supposed to laugh when doing it.
• When I was your age, Instagram wasn’t even a thing!
• Good moms don’t lift a finger. They just wave the magic wand and make everything you do wrong okay again.
• One day, you’ll get to sleep in. One day, you’ll get to eat dessert first. One day, you won’t have to worry about what your kids are getting into
• Dear husband: Day 4, still no sign of labor. Don’t think I will survive much longer in this heat. Where is the cold soup you promised? Love, Hungry me
• I was having the time of my life until I started multitasking.
• My baby doesn’t need a stroller, she can just wear the grocery cart.
• This weekend! I’m gonna recharge my batteries with all this fresh air. Oh, wait – that’s just the wind. Crap.
• I’m not saying I don’t like kids… but have you ever tried to eat a hot fudge sundae through a straw?
• When your kid is home from school, you have to run a code red on your house.
• I love my husband, he always washes his hands after burping the baby.
• Why do boys have such cute smiles and girls have the power to make them smile?
• My children’s first words were, “Yes…of course not.”
• Let’s be honest, there are tons of things that you want to say but we’re holding back because we’re trying to be polite
• Made a pot of coffee and now I’m drinking it. I feel like a grown-up.
• Reading is the way to go. People who read are endlessly more interesting than people who don’t. #wordsworth
• Happiness is a glass of good champagne and a newfound appreciation for your gas-powered leaf blower.
• It’s not against the law to drink on an airplane. But it should be.
• What should’ve been a simple little adventure is turning into one big ordeal.
• You know you have a Mom account when half your captions are quotes from the kids you love and the other half are candid photos of them being delicious.
• I feel like the kind of mom who will win awards for her children’s achievements in school.
• It’s no wonder kids are so cute. They get it from their parents.
• You don’t want to miss watching my son eat today because it was out of control.
• We’ve found the solution to all the back-to-school dilemmas: Coffee.
• It’s inevitable that everything we love will eventually be gobbled up by our kids.
• You know what they say, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. And if you have a casserole dish in front of your face, he won’t ask questions.
• Somebody told me to always be myself. I thought that meant being a sarcastic person on social media.
• I’m not a morning person. I’m a nighttime parent.
• How was your commute? Oh, the usual. I almost got into a car accident four times and it took me an hour to get to work
• I think this counts as a selfie… at least the hand is on my face
• Halloween costume idea: Wear no pants and paint a pair of shorts on your legs.
• It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it actually IS just the cereal box on my kitchen counter.
• Moms are basically always perfect. We make sure our kids don’t feel like they have to be.
• Being a mom is the best exercise, weight loss program, and beauty regimen I have ever been on. # momlife
• Moms: Never forget she’s the only one who can make you feel like you’re ten years old again.
• A mom is a mother, not a spot remover.
• I love being a mom but if I could give birth to pizza and cookie dough, I would.
• When you walk in to pick up your kid…and they look at you and say “I’m really glad you’re here”
• My toddler finally started talking… and I’m just praying she says, “how was school today?”
• Things well-meaning mothers say that make us want to hide under our covers…
• Just another day, juggling work and kids and everything else while the baby slobbers on your head!
• I’m not crazy, my mother had me tested.
• When work and motherhood collide…
• Say “No” to the Monday blues.
• Can’t concentrate. I can only ponder about Pumpkin Spice Lattes.
• Trumping the pumpkin spice latte for flavor and patriotism.
• Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
• Moms you can’t buy us, but we will take free coffee
• I’m the queen of multitasking. I can talk and yell at my kids at the same time #momlife
• being a mom is the hardest job ever (no offense, sweetie) but it’s still pretty great. you’re doing a beautiful job and I love you!
• What does a mom really need? Time for coffee, deep conversation, and a little time for herself. Of course, wine is optional.
• There are two great days in a mom’s life: The day you are born and the day your kids leave home.
• Let me put it this way: I have enough kids to fill three October.
• Raising kids is like nailing Jell-o to a tree. No matter how hard you try, it’s bound to wiggle!
• I’m not here to make friends. I am here to eat cake and crush as many icing puns as possible
• Every kid deserves a trophy for just showing up.
• It’s taken me 5 years to figure out that when she says, “What did you bring?” she means, “Where’s my damn chocolate?!”
• Boys, take your time. Good things come to those who wait. (Or maybe just to those who have ice cream)
• If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
• When you’re a mom, your butt is just a few heartbeats away from being on display in front of the entire mall. #momlife #shoppingattherexpress
• Mom’s life is pretty sweet. I mean, I get to wear sweatpants ALL day and my mom jeans
• What did the mom say to the little kid who couldn’t tie her shoes? “Don’t worry, I’ll tie your sneakers!”
• Let’s get this straight, Cheerios are for kids, and these are not your kids.
• That awkward moment when you try to dress your toddler like Prince Charming.
• Might as well procrastinate on my to-do list and watch a whole season’s worth of Gilmore Girls.
• That moment when you realize you’re about to die but your kid’s losing it over the bubble wrap on a box of mac and cheese
• It’s like I’m holding my breath for him to say something, and he says..”when is dinner ready?”
• I’m not saying I’m Martha Stewart, but I’m also not not saying that.
• If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me . . .
• I want to say I’m not sad but it’s too late, I’ve already drawn a tiny mustach on my face.
• I’m not crazy, my son just has bad taste in clothing.