Here’s some cool lawyer quotes and captions for Instagram or even Facebook to spice up those lawyer photos, funny lawyer captions, or the caption of your latest photo on Instagram with a quote!
If you want to be the best captioner and quote-wrangler on Instagram, this is the ultimate list of lawyer captions for Instagram and quotes to get followers and likes.
Funny Lawyer Captions and Captions for Instagram With Quotes
• I’m not a lawyer, but I play one in court.
• Next time you hear someone say “I can’t afford a lawyer,” tell them the truth: You can’t afford not to.
• That sinking feeling when you realize the parking ticket you just got is from a real attorney.
• Lawyers are like underwear—always in hot water 🚿
• I may be a lawyer but I still have an inner child.
• It’s so good to see you in my courtroom today. It’s like seeing an old friend. No, not that one—the other old friend.
• Let’s be honest. You’re not gonna get any “attorney-client privilege” from me with a name like that. Let’s just keep things between you and I, shall we?
• I’m not a lawyer, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
• You can’t handle my writ.
• Hey there, client. I was starting to think you weren’t going to call.
• Next time you’re in a sticky situation, call me. I might just be wrong.
• I will fight for your honor unless you are guilty of something pretty bad.
• I don’t always have to be right but I’m always right. – Me
• Because you always need a good attorney #lawyerhumor
• So now you’re a lawyer, and we’re still doing brunch. Who’s the adult here?
• Late on a #summer deadline? Reach out to a #nights @lawyer and see if they’ll work for breakfast.
• This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful for you. Because when we’re burying a body in the woods, it really helps to have someone who knows a good lawyer. 😉
• If I go to jail and you bail me out, will you be my cellmate?
• Legal advice: If you can’t read, don’t sign (your name)
• I do whatever my lawyer tells me to do.
• And the award for best closing argument goes to…
• For that time when you’re just like me and skip leg day at the gym.
• It’s not the crime, it’s the cover-up.
• What’s the best part about being a lawyer: 1. The hours, 2. The money, 3. That you get to tell people, other people, they can’t do things they want to do.
• The hottest new summer (or winter) accessory: a lawyer.
• A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
• On a scale of one to ten, how much do you distrust other lawyers?
• Are you guilty of using memes in the courtroom?
• The devil makes work for idle hands. So, I started a law firm.
• Lawyers believe the legal system is meant to protect the downtrodden and punish the haughty. Let’s take care of some haughty business today.
• Don’t get caught with your pants down if you’re a business owner. Learn how to register your trademark today. ™
• Bills can’t be hidden; they’re like a pile of sick.
• Line up your ducks so you’ll have a good time at the rubber room.
• With these three moves, you’ll be an expert in strategy, tactics, and everything #business.
• The truth is like broccoli, you either hate it or love it.
• I’m not superstitious. I just don’t want to be blamed for anything bad that happens tonight.
• I thought about that for a long time, and the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. -Owls.
• Aspiring lawyers can follow my career on Instagram for daily legal advice, or lack of it.
• If you’re not a lawyer, you should become one. The girls love it and the money’s great.
• If you have to ask if I know the law, you probably don’t want me as your lawyer.😂
• I’m a lawyer, and I know how to use social media.
• Lawyers: there to help you when you’re in trouble. And if you’re not, they’ll make plenty for you.
• I’m like a real-life Jessica Fletcher. I solve mysteries, only in court. 💁🏼
• My living room doubles as a gallery of criminal defense evidence.
• Saying “it depends” to everything is how I got into law school.
• I got 99 problems and a judge ain’t one.
• It’s a fact: all you need for the perfect Friday is a smile and a cup of coffee. ☕🌞
• Make like a tree and get outta here because it’s the weekend!
• When life is so good it gets off Scott free. 😉
• Cannot disclose, under penalty of law.
• A patent, a trademark, an idea. What’s the difference?
• Lawyers aren’t just smart and savvy, we’re also a lot of fun. Reap the benefits of lawyering happiness by following our entertaining Insta account @lawyerhumor.
• I went to law school so that I could become a comedy writer. #moneyincourt
• What do you call a lawyer who graduated at the top of his class? Your Honor.
• I’m not a real lawyer. I was duped into this profession by my parents who went to law school, but don’t practice!
• I’m not a real lawyer. But I play one at work.
• Don’t even think about breaking the law—lawyers smell fear😨
• Every year, lawyers and their clients celebrate the fact that there’s so many different ways to sue.
• Law school: Where the median age is twenty-six, and your chances of passing the bar exam are less than fifty percent.
• I’m not in the office right now. I’m hibernating, but my answering service will be happy to help you. We’re trained professionals.😎
• I’m not a doctor but I’ll have what she’s having. #lol
• I think that my firm is on the verge of a downsizing because I’m pretty sure I shrunk my desk.
• This better comes with a referral fee.
• She’s not worried about what you think, I’m going to take a picture to show my roommate…wait, no, my mom…no wait, me. Oh, shoot!
• If you’re gonna have a double life, it may as well be a good one. #youcandoit
• ♥ Love is a many splintered thing.
• When you can’t find the right words so you just say, “I’m a lawyer.”
• I’m not a lawyer, but I play one in court.
• When I tell people I’m a lawyer, their first question is usually: “So what’s the worst thing you’ve ever had to deal with?”
• Law school isn’t pretty.
• You’ve been served📬 by the most effective process servers in town.
• When you think of law and order, you think of us. We’re not just a law firm, we’re also an order firm.
• Sending all the profanity-laced texts and emails you’ve ever sent to everyone you know. (But don’t.)
• I plead the 5th on social media.
• I’m the best. I know it. And if you disagree, it will be at your expense with a healthy dose of sarcasm and wit.
• You know what they say, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.”
• If you do it that way, you’ll be liable!
• There once was a girl from Nantucket
• You and me, we’re lawyers. We solve problems. That’s what you pay us for.
• What do you call a lawyer who fishes? A Fisherman.
• I don’t always practice law, but when I do, I prefer criminal.
• I’m not a lawyer, but I play one on TV.
• Don’t worry. I’m not a lawyer but everyone tells me I should be one.
• Take advantage of this fine weather. It’s a perfect day for suing my neighbor for the scratch that’s appeared in my car.
• For those that can’t take a joke, I apologize. For those who can, I apologize for them too.
• You know you’ve made it when: you steal someone’s parking spot and they pretend to leave, but just drive around the block 🏁
• Sorry, I’m on trial and can’t answer your call. Please leave a message after the tone, which you have exceeded by four minutes and fourteen seconds.
• I may not be a Doctor, but I’m the next best thing.
• If a bear is chasing you, try running. If there’s no tree nearby, climb a car. #bear #wisdom #truestory
• I’m not a villain. I’m just ahead of the curve.
• Don’t worry. I’m a lawyer.
• Halloween costumes for lawyers
• Life’s a beach, and then you lawyer.
• Let’s be honest, law school is hard. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
• You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law. Forever and in prison.
• Litigation is a last resort.
• Have you ever had one of those days when you’re waiting in line at the bank and your rent check bounces? 🤔
• That awkward moment when you get all the hard questions in deposition but only 35 minutes for lunch. #YouGetWhatYouPrayFor
• You can’t get much done in a silk tie, but you sure look good trying.
• Sometimes the only option is to surrender gracefully and accept defeat. ☘️
• Bringing Chicago back to the Loop since 1857.
• The most important meal of the day is breakfast because it breaks your fast.
• Au contraire, lawyer jokes are funny.
• The best part about being a lawyer is the money, the second-best part is putting on my robe.
• So much to do, so little time. I need a lawyer who gets me out of all this stress and back to the beach.
• Litigation is an adversarial and expensive process, so it makes sense to have a lawyer who knows how to fight but also to ask for smooth jazz in the conference room.
• On the first day of law school, they did not tell me that real life was like this.
• They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Well, I’m not sure the court will agree with this one.
• Sometimes the only way to prank your boss is with a handwritten motion. #dontjudge
• Am I allowed to sue my own company for sexual harassment, or does that count as unemployment fraud?
• It takes a lot of coffee, but I do what it takes to do my job right. 😉
• The best friendships have the most predictable fights.
• When your alarm goes off, but you don’t know if you’re coming or going.
• Why run for President of the United States when you can just be president of your own little law firm?
• When you go to court, don’t forget your brief. It may be a long read.
• this jurisdiction is clearly irrelevant given that I am wearing my invisible pantsuit
• My comprehensive, step-by-step guide to the best way to be sued
• I’m having a feel-good Friday and I just want to give everyone hugs. Don’t sue me.
• We’ll try to keep our pictures legal.
• You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy [COMPANY], and that’s kind of the same thing.
• Now that I’ve been told I’m going to be a dad, I need someone to explain my rights.
• I didn’t know that was illegal.
• When you have a client who’s always late and needs to be reminded of the time
• I tell people what I’m not supposed to do.
• You break it, you buy it.
• Just because I’m a lawyer doesn’t mean I have to be serious all the time! 😂
• Whenever I hear someone say “no lawyer jokes,” I say “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I never made a joke.”
• Trying to make jokes like a millennial, but actually practicing law because I’m old.
• If you’re going to jail, you need the right criminal defense attorney by your side.
• Aw, you remembered my favorite law-y words: subpoena, depose, and discovery. 👌
• Turns out procrastination is not just a grade school problem #lawproblems
• It all becomes clear when you have a father who is a lawyer and a mother who is an ice cream cone.
• So, I just found out that they don’t serve beer in the judge’s chambers.
• Well if I had a nickel for every time that I saw a small business owner burn themselves…
• I never lose my head, it’s attached by a swivel.
• If you’re not my lawyer, I don’t want to speak to you. If you’re my lawyer, contact me immediately.
• We’re not just pretty faces. We’re also well versed in the law.
• A divorce lawyer is a good thing to have on your speed dial. 😉
• If you’re gonna get into a catfight on social media, at least make it worth your while.
• Chill out, relax and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Or you could just work. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
• If you’re going to do something wrong, be creative about it.
• I know I have an awesome job but I think it’s time to get a dog. It’s just so much easier to tell someone where to go when you can point with your paw.
• I’ll take it from here. We’re going to need more coffee.
• A police officer stopped me and asked, “Son, do you know why I pulled you over?” I said, “Because my tags are expired.” He said, “No son because your tires are too big.”
• You can’t handle the truth.
• I’m on a roll… stay off my coals.
• Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!
• Is this a cult? You’re telling me I have to give you all my money, and I have to do what you say, and I can’t leave? Oh. Well, in that case…
• The difference between an apple and a lawyer: The apple falls when you hit it with a mallet.
• Don’t always use those emojis, be honest #lawyerproblems
• I don’t always drink coffee… But when I do, it’s with a side of civil litigation.
• We make the most of every situation—including jury duty. 😉
• I’m not sure if the jury’s out on this case, but the judge is.
• The #1 thing in life is to laugh. And smile. And have fun! And don’t take yourself seriously. Because NOBODY does.
• I never had a case I couldn’t crack. (But I cracked a lot of cases.)
• Don’t worry, I’m not a real doctor! But I do play one on TV.
• Don’t worry. It’s a non-jury case.
• There are worse crimes than piracy. Try reading. Weeping.
• Just when I thought I was out they pull me back in
• I’m not a lawyer but I play one in court.
• She was so mad, she’d have been a great lawyer.
• We’re tired of the “Law and Order” and “Law & Order” jokes, but not tired enough to stop making them! 😆🙋
• You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. 😜
• I’m not responsible if you hurt yourself laughing at this.
• Got caught red-handed, but heard it’s not against the law.
• You pay top dollar and expect me to act like it, but I feel more like a side dish than the main course. #alwaysbeclosing
• It takes one crazy night to get the bar results you’ve always wanted #PassTheBar
• And now, here’s our client.
• This is why we can’t have nice things.
• What’s a Yolo? If you’re an acronym, it means “You Only Look Out For Yourself”😜
• If you’re not good enough to pay for it, you’re not good enough to get it for free.
• We all want to go to there. But very few of us actually know where “there” is.
• If you’re an attorney and into comedy, this is your caption.
• You can’t go wrong with a little bit of law humor.
• Anyone can represent themselves in court. It takes a real lawyer to represent someone else.
• 3rd grade was so easy, I’m a lawyer now.
• I’m in court this week. If I don’t get back to you, I’ll need you to swear on a stack of casebooks that you are on my side.
• Try not to get arrested today ✋🚓
• Afternoon delight comes with a side of contempt and a double cappuccino.
• A good defense starts with a great barista ⚖️😜
• When a “chat” with a colleague becomes an all-out argument.
• You can’t tell your clients ‘No’ when you’re a lawyer—you have to say yes. So, what I do is give them a lot of options and then I say ‘Yes to all of those.’
• Let’s settle this with a game of pool. Oh, you’re a lawyer? Ok, let’s settle this in court.
• I’m a lawyer and I’m here to help. What are you looking at?
• Many people are under the misconception that there are more fish in the sea than attorneys. Well, I’m here to tell you that is not true.
• Heard you were asking for a funny caption. Hope this helps. Yours Truly, God
• Before you go to court, look like you’re going to court.
• Don’t worry. I’m not practicing law. I’m practicing a speech for the police academy graduation ceremony. (Is this true? Is it really? We don’t know.)
• Legal drama: what you need to know.
• I cannot promise you that I will win your case, but I can promise you that I will be near your case.
• Lawyering up, but I still have time to wear these summer sandals and drink an iced coffee on the way.
• The scariest thing about Halloween is that it’s legal.
• I feel like I’m the only one here who didn’t get a Facebook friend request from Justin Timberlake. 😂
• I guess I won’t be getting the invite to their wedding.
• The sooner you start your will, the longer it’s likely to last.
• I’m a good lawyer, but the best lawyers are good liars.
• I always wanted to be a comedian, but I got stuck as a Lawyer 💰📚
• For all you shark lovers out there, I always wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up.
• I’m no criminal, but I play one at law school.
• My lawyer is good, but not as good as Monday Night Football.
• Direct from our offices: We’re here to help with your legal questions and concerns. But we’re not lawyers….just so you know 😜
• When the law is on your side, you’ve got the best seat in the house.
• I’m not an ambulance chaser, but I’m available for hire if your case has already been in the news.
• I looked on as the World Trade Center was attacked on September 11th, 2001. I was working at my law office…and so were all my colleagues!
• When you’re constantly outsmarting the government, it’s only right to surround yourself with intelligent and motivated peers.
• When you are the scariest person in the room 💻
• The same thing applies to the law, as it does to religion. There are many systems and methods, but they all lead to the same place—to follow justice.
• My dad always said, “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”
• Funny lawyer jokes are not the best. Funny lawyer pictures are the best. Enjoy this collection of funny lawyer pictures!
• I’m a #lawyer, but I’m not your lawyer.
• So, you’re a lawyer.
• If I had a _________ for every time someone used a lawyer joke in a speech, I would have every single item on this restaurant’s menu.
• I am not a real lawyer, but I play one at work.
• I’ve become a lawyer in order to win the lottery and retire #someday.
• Criminal defense is a lot like the game of chess. And I am always one move ahead of my opponent.
• I want to be there with you on your next court date.
• The only thing worse than going to court is coming back home with the wrong opinion.
• I have a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people who mislead others👹
• What are you guilty of? 😉
