Funny Lawyer Captions and Captions for Instagram With Quotes

Here’s some cool lawyer quotes and captions for Instagram or even Facebook to spice up those lawyer photos, funny lawyer captions, or the caption of your latest photo on Instagram with a quote!

If you want to be the best captioner and quote-wrangler on Instagram, this is the ultimate list of lawyer captions for Instagram and quotes to get followers and likes.

Funny Lawyer Captions and Captions for Instagram With Quotes

• I’m not a lawyer, but I play one in court.

• Next time you hear someone say “I can’t afford a lawyer,” tell them the truth: You can’t afford not to.

• That sinking feeling when you realize the parking ticket you just got is from a real attorney.

• Lawyers are like underwear—always in hot water 🚿

• I may be a lawyer but I still have an inner child.

• It’s so good to see you in my courtroom today. It’s like seeing an old friend. No, not that one—the other old friend.

• Let’s be honest. You’re not gonna get any “attorney-client privilege” from me with a name like that. Let’s just keep things between you and I, shall we?

• I’m not a lawyer, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

• You can’t handle my writ.

• Hey there, client. I was starting to think you weren’t going to call.

• Next time you’re in a sticky situation, call me. I might just be wrong.

• I will fight for your honor unless you are guilty of something pretty bad.

• I don’t always have to be right but I’m always right. – Me

• Because you always need a good attorney #lawyerhumor

• So now you’re a lawyer, and we’re still doing brunch. Who’s the adult here?

• Late on a #summer deadline? Reach out to a #nights @lawyer and see if they’ll work for breakfast.

• This Thanksgiving, we’re thankful for you. Because when we’re burying a body in the woods, it really helps to have someone who knows a good lawyer. 😉

• If I go to jail and you bail me out, will you be my cellmate?

• Legal advice: If you can’t read, don’t sign (your name)

• I do whatever my lawyer tells me to do.

• And the award for best closing argument goes to…

• For that time when you’re just like me and skip leg day at the gym.

• It’s not the crime, it’s the cover-up.

• What’s the best part about being a lawyer: 1. The hours, 2. The money, 3. That you get to tell people, other people, they can’t do things they want to do.

• The hottest new summer (or winter) accessory: a lawyer.

• A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.

• On a scale of one to ten, how much do you distrust other lawyers?

• Are you guilty of using memes in the courtroom?

• The devil makes work for idle hands. So, I started a law firm.

• Lawyers believe the legal system is meant to protect the downtrodden and punish the haughty. Let’s take care of some haughty business today.

• Don’t get caught with your pants down if you’re a business owner. Learn how to register your trademark today. ™

• Bills can’t be hidden; they’re like a pile of sick.

• Line up your ducks so you’ll have a good time at the rubber room.

• With these three moves, you’ll be an expert in strategy, tactics, and everything #business.

• The truth is like broccoli, you either hate it or love it.

• I’m not superstitious. I just don’t want to be blamed for anything bad that happens tonight.

• I thought about that for a long time, and the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. -Owls.

• Aspiring lawyers can follow my career on Instagram for daily legal advice, or lack of it.

• If you’re not a lawyer, you should become one. The girls love it and the money’s great.

• If you have to ask if I know the law, you probably don’t want me as your lawyer.😂

• I’m a lawyer, and I know how to use social media.

• Lawyers: there to help you when you’re in trouble. And if you’re not, they’ll make plenty for you.

• I’m like a real-life Jessica Fletcher. I solve mysteries, only in court. 💁🏼

• My living room doubles as a gallery of criminal defense evidence.

• Saying “it depends” to everything is how I got into law school.

• I got 99 problems and a judge ain’t one.

• It’s a fact: all you need for the perfect Friday is a smile and a cup of coffee. ☕🌞

• Make like a tree and get outta here because it’s the weekend!

• When life is so good it gets off Scott free. 😉

• Cannot disclose, under penalty of law.

• A patent, a trademark, an idea. What’s the difference?

• Lawyers aren’t just smart and savvy, we’re also a lot of fun. Reap the benefits of lawyering happiness by following our entertaining Insta account @lawyerhumor.

• I went to law school so that I could become a comedy writer. #moneyincourt

• What do you call a lawyer who graduated at the top of his class? Your Honor.

• I’m not a real lawyer. I was duped into this profession by my parents who went to law school, but don’t practice!

• I’m not a real lawyer. But I play one at work.

• Don’t even think about breaking the law—lawyers smell fear😨

• Every year, lawyers and their clients celebrate the fact that there’s so many different ways to sue.

• Law school: Where the median age is twenty-six, and your chances of passing the bar exam are less than fifty percent.

• I’m not in the office right now. I’m hibernating, but my answering service will be happy to help you. We’re trained professionals.😎

• I’m not a doctor but I’ll have what she’s having. #lol

• I think that my firm is on the verge of a downsizing because I’m pretty sure I shrunk my desk.

• This better comes with a referral fee.

• She’s not worried about what you think, I’m going to take a picture to show my roommate…wait, no, my mom…no wait, me. Oh, shoot!

• If you’re gonna have a double life, it may as well be a good one. #youcandoit

• ♥ Love is a many splintered thing.

• When you can’t find the right words so you just say, “I’m a lawyer.”

• I’m not a lawyer, but I play one in court.

• When I tell people I’m a lawyer, their first question is usually: “So what’s the worst thing you’ve ever had to deal with?”

• Law school isn’t pretty.

• You’ve been served📬 by the most effective process servers in town.

• When you think of law and order, you think of us. We’re not just a law firm, we’re also an order firm.

• Sending all the profanity-laced texts and emails you’ve ever sent to everyone you know. (But don’t.)

• I plead the 5th on social media.

• I’m the best. I know it. And if you disagree, it will be at your expense with a healthy dose of sarcasm and wit.

• You know what they say, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.”

• If you do it that way, you’ll be liable!

• There once was a girl from Nantucket

• You and me, we’re lawyers. We solve problems. That’s what you pay us for.

• What do you call a lawyer who fishes? A Fisherman.

• I don’t always practice law, but when I do, I prefer criminal.

• I’m not a lawyer, but I play one on TV.

• Don’t worry. I’m not a lawyer but everyone tells me I should be one.

• Take advantage of this fine weather. It’s a perfect day for suing my neighbor for the scratch that’s appeared in my car.

• For those that can’t take a joke, I apologize. For those who can, I apologize for them too.

• You know you’ve made it when: you steal someone’s parking spot and they pretend to leave, but just drive around the block 🏁

• Sorry, I’m on trial and can’t answer your call. Please leave a message after the tone, which you have exceeded by four minutes and fourteen seconds.

• I may not be a Doctor, but I’m the next best thing.

• If a bear is chasing you, try running. If there’s no tree nearby, climb a car. #bear #wisdom #truestory

• I’m not a villain. I’m just ahead of the curve.

• Don’t worry. I’m a lawyer.

• Halloween costumes for lawyers

• Life’s a beach, and then you lawyer.

• Let’s be honest, law school is hard. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

• You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law. Forever and in prison.

• Litigation is a last resort.

• Have you ever had one of those days when you’re waiting in line at the bank and your rent check bounces? 🤔

• That awkward moment when you get all the hard questions in deposition but only 35 minutes for lunch. #YouGetWhatYouPrayFor

• You can’t get much done in a silk tie, but you sure look good trying.

• Sometimes the only option is to surrender gracefully and accept defeat. ☘️

• Bringing Chicago back to the Loop since 1857.

• The most important meal of the day is breakfast because it breaks your fast.

• Au contraire, lawyer jokes are funny.

• The best part about being a lawyer is the money, the second-best part is putting on my robe.

• So much to do, so little time. I need a lawyer who gets me out of all this stress and back to the beach.

• Litigation is an adversarial and expensive process, so it makes sense to have a lawyer who knows how to fight but also to ask for smooth jazz in the conference room.

• On the first day of law school, they did not tell me that real life was like this.

• They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Well, I’m not sure the court will agree with this one.

• Sometimes the only way to prank your boss is with a handwritten motion. #dontjudge

• Am I allowed to sue my own company for sexual harassment, or does that count as unemployment fraud?

• It takes a lot of coffee, but I do what it takes to do my job right. 😉

• The best friendships have the most predictable fights.

• When your alarm goes off, but you don’t know if you’re coming or going.

• Why run for President of the United States when you can just be president of your own little law firm?

• When you go to court, don’t forget your brief. It may be a long read.

• this jurisdiction is clearly irrelevant given that I am wearing my invisible pantsuit

• My comprehensive, step-by-step guide to the best way to be sued

• I’m having a feel-good Friday and I just want to give everyone hugs. Don’t sue me.

• We’ll try to keep our pictures legal.

• You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy [COMPANY], and that’s kind of the same thing.

• Now that I’ve been told I’m going to be a dad, I need someone to explain my rights.

• I didn’t know that was illegal.

• When you have a client who’s always late and needs to be reminded of the time

• I tell people what I’m not supposed to do.

• You break it, you buy it.

• Just because I’m a lawyer doesn’t mean I have to be serious all the time! 😂

• Whenever I hear someone say “no lawyer jokes,” I say “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I never made a joke.”

• Trying to make jokes like a millennial, but actually practicing law because I’m old.

• If you’re going to jail, you need the right criminal defense attorney by your side.

• Aw, you remembered my favorite law-y words: subpoena, depose, and discovery. 👌

• Turns out procrastination is not just a grade school problem #lawproblems

• It all becomes clear when you have a father who is a lawyer and a mother who is an ice cream cone.

• So, I just found out that they don’t serve beer in the judge’s chambers.

• Well if I had a nickel for every time that I saw a small business owner burn themselves…

• I never lose my head, it’s attached by a swivel.

• If you’re not my lawyer, I don’t want to speak to you. If you’re my lawyer, contact me immediately.

• We’re not just pretty faces. We’re also well versed in the law.

• A divorce lawyer is a good thing to have on your speed dial. 😉

• If you’re gonna get into a catfight on social media, at least make it worth your while.

• Chill out, relax and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Or you could just work. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

• If you’re going to do something wrong, be creative about it.

• I know I have an awesome job but I think it’s time to get a dog. It’s just so much easier to tell someone where to go when you can point with your paw.

• I’ll take it from here. We’re going to need more coffee.

• A police officer stopped me and asked, “Son, do you know why I pulled you over?” I said, “Because my tags are expired.” He said, “No son because your tires are too big.”

• You can’t handle the truth.

• I’m on a roll… stay off my coals.

• Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!

• Is this a cult? You’re telling me I have to give you all my money, and I have to do what you say, and I can’t leave? Oh. Well, in that case…

• The difference between an apple and a lawyer: The apple falls when you hit it with a mallet.

• Don’t always use those emojis, be honest #lawyerproblems

• I don’t always drink coffee… But when I do, it’s with a side of civil litigation.

• We make the most of every situation—including jury duty. 😉

• I’m not sure if the jury’s out on this case, but the judge is.

• The #1 thing in life is to laugh. And smile. And have fun! And don’t take yourself seriously. Because NOBODY does.

• I never had a case I couldn’t crack. (But I cracked a lot of cases.)

• Don’t worry, I’m not a real doctor! But I do play one on TV.

• Don’t worry. It’s a non-jury case.

• There are worse crimes than piracy. Try reading. Weeping.

• Just when I thought I was out they pull me back in

• I’m not a lawyer but I play one in court.

• She was so mad, she’d have been a great lawyer.

• We’re tired of the “Law and Order” and “Law & Order” jokes, but not tired enough to stop making them! 😆🙋

• You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. 😜

• I’m not responsible if you hurt yourself laughing at this.

• Got caught red-handed, but heard it’s not against the law.

• You pay top dollar and expect me to act like it, but I feel more like a side dish than the main course. #alwaysbeclosing

• It takes one crazy night to get the bar results you’ve always wanted #PassTheBar

• And now, here’s our client.

• This is why we can’t have nice things.

• What’s a Yolo? If you’re an acronym, it means “You Only Look Out For Yourself”😜

• If you’re not good enough to pay for it, you’re not good enough to get it for free.

• We all want to go to there. But very few of us actually know where “there” is.

• If you’re an attorney and into comedy, this is your caption.

• You can’t go wrong with a little bit of law humor.

• Anyone can represent themselves in court. It takes a real lawyer to represent someone else.

• 3rd grade was so easy, I’m a lawyer now.

• I’m in court this week. If I don’t get back to you, I’ll need you to swear on a stack of casebooks that you are on my side.

• Try not to get arrested today ✋🚓

• Afternoon delight comes with a side of contempt and a double cappuccino.

• A good defense starts with a great barista ⚖️😜

• When a “chat” with a colleague becomes an all-out argument.

• You can’t tell your clients ‘No’ when you’re a lawyer—you have to say yes. So, what I do is give them a lot of options and then I say ‘Yes to all of those.’

• Let’s settle this with a game of pool. Oh, you’re a lawyer? Ok, let’s settle this in court.

• I’m a lawyer and I’m here to help. What are you looking at?

• Many people are under the misconception that there are more fish in the sea than attorneys. Well, I’m here to tell you that is not true.

• Heard you were asking for a funny caption. Hope this helps. Yours Truly, God

• Before you go to court, look like you’re going to court.

• Don’t worry. I’m not practicing law. I’m practicing a speech for the police academy graduation ceremony. (Is this true? Is it really? We don’t know.)

• Legal drama: what you need to know.

• I cannot promise you that I will win your case, but I can promise you that I will be near your case.

• Lawyering up, but I still have time to wear these summer sandals and drink an iced coffee on the way.

• The scariest thing about Halloween is that it’s legal.

• I feel like I’m the only one here who didn’t get a Facebook friend request from Justin Timberlake. 😂

• I guess I won’t be getting the invite to their wedding.

• The sooner you start your will, the longer it’s likely to last.

• I’m a good lawyer, but the best lawyers are good liars.

• I always wanted to be a comedian, but I got stuck as a Lawyer 💰📚

• For all you shark lovers out there, I always wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up.

• I’m no criminal, but I play one at law school.

• My lawyer is good, but not as good as Monday Night Football.

• Direct from our offices: We’re here to help with your legal questions and concerns. But we’re not lawyers….just so you know 😜

• When the law is on your side, you’ve got the best seat in the house.

• I’m not an ambulance chaser, but I’m available for hire if your case has already been in the news.

• I looked on as the World Trade Center was attacked on September 11th, 2001. I was working at my law office…and so were all my colleagues!

• When you’re constantly outsmarting the government, it’s only right to surround yourself with intelligent and motivated peers.

• When you are the scariest person in the room 💻

• The same thing applies to the law, as it does to religion. There are many systems and methods, but they all lead to the same place—to follow justice.

• My dad always said, “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”

• Funny lawyer jokes are not the best. Funny lawyer pictures are the best. Enjoy this collection of funny lawyer pictures!

• I’m a #lawyer, but I’m not your lawyer.

• So, you’re a lawyer.

• If I had a _________ for every time someone used a lawyer joke in a speech, I would have every single item on this restaurant’s menu.

• I am not a real lawyer, but I play one at work.

• I’ve become a lawyer in order to win the lottery and retire #someday.

• Criminal defense is a lot like the game of chess. And I am always one move ahead of my opponent.

• I want to be there with you on your next court date.

• The only thing worse than going to court is coming back home with the wrong opinion.

• I have a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people who mislead others👹

• What are you guilty of? 😉

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